Using DBT Skills To Build A Happier Life
“I just want to be happy.” It’s a simple statement that brings so many people into therapy. But what does happiness actually mean to you? What would a happy life look like?
Sometimes, happiness is about working toward long-term goals—having a healthy relationship, graduating college, getting your dream apartment. But what about right now? How can we start to feel joy in the short term while still working toward those bigger goals?
It boils down to a simple idea: if you want to feel joy, you need to do things that create joy. This is where Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills can work to help increase happiness, particularly the Pleasant Events skill in emotion regulation.
Happiness is something we can (and must!) create for ourselves. What sparks joy for you? Spending time with friends? Watching your favorite movie on Netflix? Cuddling with your dog?
Each day, we do so many things that have the potential to bring happiness. But if we’re not mindful of them, they simply don’t register. (Oh, that pesky mindfulness—here it is again!) There’s a reason mindfulness is the core skill in DBT. If we’re not aware of a joyful activity while we’re doing it, our brain doesn’t fully recognize it as joyful. For example, you might drink a delicious cup of coffee every morning, but if you're distracted and rushing through it, your brain won’t fully process that moment as pleasurable.
In DBT, the skill to accumulate positives in the shot term teaches us to intentionally incorporate enjoyable activities into our daily lives and fully experience them in the moment. This helps us increase happiness and start building a fulfilling life right now.
How to Increase Joy Using DBT Pleasant Events
Plan ahead. Each day, choose three simple things you’ll do and recognize as happy moments. This could be as simple as listening to your favorite song, taking a walk, or calling a friend.
Be mindful. Pause and acknowledge the moment: “This is something I enjoy.” “I’m grateful to have this experience.”
Engage your senses. Take in the full experience by noticing the sights, sounds, smells, and textures around you. This deepens your connection to the moment.
Try something new. Novel experiences stimulate the brain and can create fresh sources of joy. Even small changes, like trying a new recipe or taking a different route on a walk, can make a difference.
Share joy with others. Happiness is often amplified when shared. Invite a friend to join you in a pleasant event or express gratitude to someone who made your day better.
Manage expectations. These small moments of joy won’t magically cure a depressive episode, but they are meaningful. Think of them as links in a chain—each one helps build the life you want to live.
Happiness isn’t just something we wait for. It’s something we create, moment by moment. By using DBT skills to build a happy life, you can start experiencing more joy right now.
What are three small things you can do today create a bit of joy? Share in the comments or try keeping a daily list of pleasant events!
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